For too many parents a fear of crushing a child's spirit, or overwhelming them with too many limits, causes them to take a back seat on the discipline train, only to be faced with bratty, uncontrollable and disrespectful children for years to come.

Children not only need limits, they want them. It makes them feel safe, and yes, even loved. They haven't quite learned how to control their urges and desires yet, and look to you, the parent, as a guide to show them what behavior is ok, and what isn't. Discipline is more than a tool for creating well-behaved children - it's a tool to creating well-rounded and emotionally healthy children.

Choosing the right form of discipline may be one of the hardest things a parent has to do. Let's face it, every child is different, and while time-outs may work wonderfully with one, another may need a light tap on the behind from time to time to get your point across. To help you better deal with discipline issues in your home,follow these simple tips from child development expert T. Berry Brazelton, M.D.

Respect a Child's Stage of Development.
Knowing why your toddler continues to play in the toilet even after you've told them no 5,000 times may help you better deal with your frustrations and figure out if your child is indeed being defiant, or just exploring their world in a normal and natural way.

Fit the Discipline to the Child's State of Development.
Toddlers can often be diverted without much fanfare, while older children may need a time out or other form of discipline to get them to stop what they're doing. Figure out what works best for each stage of a child's growth for better results.

Choose Discipline that Fits The Child.
All you had to do was shake your head at my daughter in disapproval and she'd burst into tears and stop what she was doing. Not so with my son. He rarely worries that his behavior will hurt your feelings, so he needs a stronger style of discipline to teach him right from wrong. Don't use the same style of discipline for every child. The odds are it'll work for some and not for others.

Be a Good Role Model.
If your child sees you lose your temper when you don't get your own way, guess what, they'll do the same. Show your children how to handle frustration and disappointment by being a good role model.

Always Show Children Love and Tenderness.
When the Discipline Is Over. Whether it's time alone in their room, or a tap on the hand, always hug your child and reinforce the fact that you love them even when they disobey. It's comforting to know that you're still #1 in your parent's eyes - even when you mess up.

While there are some real disadvantages to harsh physical punishment (aggressive behavior, fear, disrespect), some parents have found that taking a strong stand (in a gentle and loving way), can often yield better results than talking, over-explaining and time outs ever will. But when do you know when you've become too strict and harsh? Watch for these signs:

• A child who is overly good and quiet because they're afraid to make a mistake.
• A child who is overly sensitive to even the smallest amount of criticism.
• A sad child.
• A child who shows symptoms of moderate to severe stress.
• A child who is regressing in behavior (potty training, independence, disruptive sleep, etc).

If you notice any of these signs, it may be time to let up a bit and reevaluate the best way to discipline and punish your child's misbehavior.